sweet goodness

being home is like sweet goodness in terms of being where i belong. seeing family and friends has always made me feel a million bucks and getting to meet new amazing people is like icing on the cake.
i am currently sitting in my kitchen with my dad watching tv and cracking jokes, some thing the two of us do best, and it feels so right to know that my mom is not far and that we are all doing well and are very happy to be together.
i got a new camera. life is great!

in a few

in just a few (18) hours i will be on a plane ride back to home. well actually las vegas, thats where ill be landing to meet my family and get some sun. there are so many things i will share with them, so many hugs, so many smiles followed many if not tons of laughter.
NYC is in a state of constant snow, it has been snowing since 9 this morning and i have already taken a dive in the filth that is slush. my knee took a good beating and i have the bruise to show for it, i can only image what the next months will be like. more hurt limbs caused by snow. =)

im excited to be leaving

two peas in a pod

tina used to sit in my lap and make my legs go numb. but that was her place and no one else could sit there. she was the queen and she knew she was the boss. dogs have a way of looking at you and communicating so much love, they know when you need a smile.
going home is going to be different, she wont be there to say hello.

sometimes you just know

it is true that all bad things happen in threes. this week has been proof of that, now things can and have to get better because for me this is rock bottom. my kid died, a friend passes away from cancer, and to top things off i live in NY my bank is in Ca and i lost my atm card.
thanksgiving is next week, this time of year is supposed to be spent with love ones, eating lots of food and enjoying each others company. this year i will be away from my family, but the friends that i have made have become family it is going to be hard to leave all of them. they are amazing and i am thankful for meeting each and everyone of them.

she had to have the best seat in the house and be included in all family functions. ie dinner at the table that i was one of her spots that had a pillow to cushion her while she waited.

tina

this is tina on the couch christmas day 2007.

tina

dad took this

the day my kid died

yesterday tina, my 14 year old wiener dog died. she was my child, we grew up together and she was there for all the challenges in my life, she was my tina love. tina was amazing, the sassiest little thing on all fours, she always had a comment, never listened when you wanted her to and always showed me she cared. this is the hardest thing in life to lose a pet, to lose a loved one that always had unconditional love.
i will never forget the times she was there to greet me when i would come home from a trip. it was always a quick hello, then she would get mad remembering that i had left her, followed later with undivided attention and relaxing on the couch to watch tv together. i will forever miss her.

its nice to take naps

my favorite thing to do is take a nap when ever i want. especially when it is with someone i care about. napping keeps you young and full of life, it helps to replenish your mental abilities and refresh your body for the next few hours to come.

future plans

currently the only future plans that i have is to go on vacation and get a break from everything. this whole school thing is overwhelming, the economy sucks and my over all like is in a constant state of chaos.

one day i would like to have that cooky cutter family portrait. the nuclear family , a great husband , smart amazing kids and a good family living. but life always has its own way of working. only time will tell if things happen the way i want.

somethings are better left unsaid

people are very complicated and what we say to one another is the same. when someone explains changes in their life, you are left to interpret the details. what if there is nothing to figure out. why does one over think things.
its crazy.

rough night

something must be in the air around here. for last night there were sirens, i watched an undercover arrest go down. and through out the late evening i heard shouting, arguing and the chatter of things to come. i wonder if it is because winter is on its way and summer rivalries are unsettled yet. either way time is still passing, everyone is growing old and life is moving us all closer to out end.

if i ever live on the east coast again it will have to be in the middle of nowhere in the hills where i can hear peace and quiet all the while taking in the crisp cool fall air. the last place i want to be is a city, this city. the amount of people is so overwhelming.

there's no place like home

i understand that coming here to NYC for school was an opportunity that i had to take, but upon further exploration and experience there is no place like home. i am a California girl all the way. i love my car. i love the freedom is allows. the ability to go any where at any time.
school has totally drained the life out of me. i was not made for education institutes, life is much better and successful dealing with meeting people and growing from there. that is the only way i like to advance through the personal interaction with others.
last but not least WALKING, you walk everywhere so when one thing happens to your feet the rest is downhill if you dont get it looked at right away. this is what has happened to me and here is an image of my current state of life.

working hard. hardly working

in these past few months i have come to realize that i love to build things and or make things with my hands. ie wood paneling for my woodburnings, book making, painting, tiling, gardening, and much much more. from now on i have something to do. and have a great time doing it. currently i bookmaking has been a blast and the more i work at it the better i feel. its amazing. things are moving forward

always and forever

work is impossible to make when you are lost. when things are too much and you need a break. there is no way that i can see right now to create work. things have become so complicated and troublesome that i cant wait for a release.

life goes on

there are so many things in this world that would ruin, torture and kill us if we let them take a hold of us. even though love and life are painful, staying focused is the only way one can continue on for another day.

'as the world turns'

this place will really make you think about where you want your life to go. i have been to many places in my life that i have enjoyed, many places that have taught me a great deal. nyc , Brooklyn, is one of those places, i have learned where i want to go and what i have not yet seen. but my heart is with my family, and thats where i want to be right now. with my family making photographs and others works.

im at a lose

do i care

the answer is NO i DOnt care about making friends just because the persons live close to work with me, or even go to the same class that i do. the answer is plain i dont care about being friendly, it has been a waste of my time here in NYC. there are only a few whos company that i want t enjoy. i and like to let them know how i feel. as well as desire they companionship.

as for life here i dont care for it and i cant wait to go home, at least there i can relax and not have to be on my guard

dreaming again

last night i had a dream that i was hiking somewhere familiar and foreign all at the same time. but as i was walking i heard rattle snakes everywhere. and dangerous animals left and right. finally a huge rattler bit me. grabbed on to my left hand and would not let go. its face was staring me down. i had to squeeze my hand until venom came out. but my hand remained to lose feeling and was on the verge to becoming useless.

today on the mta

this morning, from my understanding a man wave at the conductor and then threw himself in front of the train. the one that i take to go to work/school. what is that about. i cant take it here but i would have never thought of that one. and second
DONT READ IF YOURE SQUEAMISH....... the lady in front of me on the play for looked professional, but she had a dirty side, first she picked at her toes and then while still waiting for the train pick up bread from her shopping bag and began to rip chunks of bread off a loaf and eat it. all this probably without thinking about the pervious toe dig fest.

i cant wait

classes start very soon, and this means lots of work needs to be thought up and executed with great love and diligence.

ie. bookmaking
silkscreen
photography/ old school style
gallery hopping
and much much more

things look good

back to the basics

i am going back to what i know best, having fun with my friends. for some time now i have waited for that right time that right person to hang out with. but the waiting has taken too much time away from adventures, stories, chaos, and above the laughter that is needed for good times.
a friend of mine reminded me of the fun, it is to relax, smile and make the most out of every moment.
thank you E

glass half-empty

living in NYC has made me not surprised at peoples lack of respect for one another. i see no companionship among the crowds that pass eachother daily.

i am learning that in a city the only person one can truly trust is ones self. no one else can turn you bad day into a good one. too bad.

dreams

i love to dream. it tells so much about what is going on in my life at that point in time. today i had a crazy one: i was walking around a make believe nyc that was snowing on one side of a park and not on the other. while walking i was carrying a huge bull dog calling some rapper with the other hand. but upon lookin for him and a bar, i got shot with a tranquilizer tart filled with drugs, i was going to go on a crazy head trip. i warned my friends to call for help................

end

so tired

im so not even funny tired of living in new york.

#1. people are so damn mean.
#2. people are unbearable
#3. my neighborhood is ghetto and scary at night
#4. work drains my existence and its a losing battle
#5. sleepovers

i am totally ready to go home....southern california home

nobody messes with my momma

the nyc subway is an intense place, and out of towners should be warned that the idea of a united city existing does not really exist. people from NYC will jump down your throat for taking their seat on the train. what kind of crap is that. while my mom was here visiting she apparently sat in the seat that my mom took so after cussing at my mother she stood in front of her starring. i moved to stand there looking at the woman. she didnt say anything more.
i have never wanted to punch some one in the face so bad. the thoughts crossing my mind were that if this woman says or does anything more im an going to lose it. no body hurts my momma. NOBODY.

i hate this place everyone is so serious and mean. they need to all take a "chill pill"

said and done

my brother said i do saturday night, and the bride, my now sister in-law cried and laughed the whole time. things were great and the relatives, and friends had on those faces tons of smiles.

home sweet home

i just got home, and it is wonderful to see my kids and family. kids/pets bring so much joy to me, just their excitement to see me when i come back home. saturday is my brothers big day and we are all giddy and ready for our new sister.

task #1 bathe my kids cause they smell worse then me. =)

in one weeks time

this time next saturday i will be welcoming a sister into the family, my brother is getting married and we are all so excited for the big day. The future holds so much for the two of them, only the best for the years to come.

it happens to all of us

there is time when we say things that dont really make much sense but we are thinking of those that are dear to us. whatever that is forget it and forget what life is after it. work is the only thing that should matter above all things. without it we would be lost and confused. that is what life holds for those that do not listen to their heart and only to their head. lead the way to art and whatever falls into place will

almost

tomorrow i turn 25, that is intense a quarter of a century! and to make things even better the date is going to be friday the 13th. there are so many things that i need to do and see before the half century mark, like travel to russia, asia, new zealand and south america. all this must be done before i can no longer walk great distances and carry my camera around. i cant wait to see where the rest of life will take me.

what it means to be happy

many things around me bring joy to my everyday, but there are fewer things what i fully enjoy whole heartedly, one of those is eating with friends and or family. ever since i can remember my family has always made it a point to eat as a family and upon moving to nyc i have not really had this.
making food for others is one of those things that i love, and sharing my love of making food brings joy at the end of the day. since my family is so far constructing grand meals for friends is the next best thing. thank you for everything

boredom

there are so many times when in life things become routine, these are the times when nothing really matters just getting through another day, another week, whatever...

i need a boost

so NYC is great

it has always interested me to listen in on total strangers conversations, but living here in NYC i have heard it all. kids discussing the length of their probation, a crazed woman talking about all her family members being incarcerated and why shes lucky causes shes not pregnant. the public transit here has a little bit for every body. things are great. when im having a bad day i know i can hop on the bus or the train and get a great story that brightens up the rest of the day. i think that is the only thing that im going to miss.
right this minute life is moving forward in a good way.

everyday is something new.

the east coast is a strange place when it comes to weather, for instance yesterday was gross and rainy and then upon waking this morning i discovered that today is going to be absolutely gorgeous and picture taking is a must. i never know what to expect over here its like a daily adventure for one.

somethings are better left gold

walking from moma we stumbled upon a huge hello kitty statue, it was amazing and wonderful all at the same time. there are so many things in this life that i want to do i dont know if they all will happen. the only thing i can do is try and make all of them happen while im still young and its ok to goof around. a new project is laughing...and going about making those that i meet laugh or at least enjoy who they are now at this very moment.

yeah you know its summer

this is what happens where people have too much free time. they enjoy themselves. and that is what aileen, gladys and myself are doing on cinco di mayo. this week i heard a man pooped and left it at the information desk in the union square barnes, and a gnome came into to use the restroom. life is great. all i need is a day off and then every thing will be complete

schools out for the summer

monday was the last day of the semester, awesome!!!!!!!!! and to kick the summer months off i hit the galleries in chelsea. it was great there are so many amazing things non-photo out there. i want so badly to do more then photo, i want to enjoy it all. everything that art has to offer. there are ideas swimming in my head, i feel this summer is going to be one of the most productive times in my life.

the challenge

coming from california to this big city is exciting and challenging. there are so many things to do and see. to venture out and discover but there is something lacking here that other southern cal kids dont see. for me it is family. new york city is fast, flashy, and worth the investigation for this time in my life, but not the place for a life time. unlike many of my CA friends who find this place amazing and never want to leave i still have strong feelings for where i grew up and the people that i have left to be here.

to be truthful there are so many other places in this world that i would rather live. london is the major dream that i want to come true to learn there and develop another phase of my life there. so many people my age have yet to leave this country, if feel this is why they feel so passionate about this place, because it is the first time they have been away from home. this is the place where they will find who they are, their place of discovery.

i am going back to southern california when school is over. and i the hopes for my future make it to london to finish my grad work and grow for that period of my life. until then im here in NYC learning the ropes of life at this stage. thank you to the ones that i love for this whole adventure. its been amazing as well as a splendid challenge.

today

today was filling and not really full of adventure. nothing really happens when you are in school and jam packed with classes. but as soon as that is over it is all about picture taking and living.

its like you know

i have totally begun to feel the east coast weather, that hot stickiness is returning. this is when i long to be in dry southern california going to the mall and keeping cool. here you cant escape the humidity, its every where and people become cranky when things get like this.
i am ready for classes to end and get a couple days of a break. this summer will consists of myths and cosmos. silkscreening and japanese book making. how rad is that.

things are moving forward and working at working out. that nice

the new obsession

todays new obsession is my feet. they are funny looking, i need them for walking, and they work. but i have been thinking about them Right and Left. that is what i call them. i want them to feel accepted and pleased to be where they are.

its nice

this song has always been in my mind. for the past ten years. i feel this is what i am through photography and most of through my everyday life. it has been so much that songs are the only way i live and mainly its through the past. thats frustrating. but life will unfold they way it wants to and we are supposed to roll with it.

almost there

the end is so close i can smell it. work is being produced at an intense mental pace, the ideas and its overwhelming effect are being played out in my head. things are going great. life and work are flowing harmoniously, that making more works is constant and moving forward. if i could choose those who influence my works it will be the people that i see everyday and never talk to. those people that i pass in the subway and never communicate with. they are the ones i think about when i see new york passing before me.

infinity

the idea for life is to experience everything clearly, but how is that possible when everything moves at such a fast pace. the infinite challenge is to slow down and look.

work work work

living here you have to work a lot. there's just no end to this rat race that i live in. i cant wait to go back to southern CAL and enjoy the sun and relaxation.

what i miss the most

there are so many things that i miss about home.... mostly FOOD. but thats ok ill be back soon enough that i can eat all the home cookin that i can make.
i have to get an exciting life

best thing yet

so the other night i ventured to the emergency room and upon waiting my turn to be seen, i heard the greatest comment.....
steroids look like peanut butter to me.

the rest of the visit did not live up to that statement. i got to experience the NYC hospital and all its wonderful cliental

long time

it has been a long time since classes have started and the school year is almost over. and there is nothing that i can show as in work for it. doesnt that suck a big one. hopefully the sun will shine on the east coast and the whether will warm up, that way photographing life, albeit depressed, can continue.

and life still moves on. where it stops nobody knows. thats me for sure.